Losing my virtue-inity

What ever happened to ‘virtuous Pia’? Where did she go? 

I suspect she’s buried under the mountain of wine bottles out on the curb waiting for recycling day.

Turns out that all the best intentions in life can’t save you from… well… life. 

A few years ago, I embarked on a life changing journey to challenge myself. I quit everything. Cheese. Sugar. Carbs. Gluten. Jeebus help us, even wine.

(Reader: No! Not wine!

Me: Don’t worry, it didn’t last)

Damn it was affective. I lost about 10kg. My skin looked AMAZING. I finished an Xterra race (barely). I felt fucking incredible. Hell, I’m pretty sure I got taller.

Three years later and I find myself almost back where I started – Friday night, with a giant glass of wine in my hand, unapologetically eating my way through a pack of Girl Guide biscuits and watching endless episodes of Grace and Frankie (shoosh you. try it).

So what the hell happened?!

Let me tell you what happened…


Despite all your best efforts  (I’m including predictive text in here – yes, I AM trying to type ‘duck’ – fail), life gets in the way.

To save you some time, here’s a couple of highlights from the passed couple of years getting in the way of my virtue.

1. Mother nature – earthquakes suck. Big, small, medium, who actually cares. Earthquakes lead to stress. Stress leads to cheese and cheese is a gateway drug to cheesecake. Everyone knows that. 

2. Personal development – hahaha. Psych! Isn’t that just another fucking word for ‘life’?! Ain’t no one got time for that.

3. Life – let’s fill this with some of the following. Family, bills, DIY, Netflix, yoga pants (cookie pants), friends – not limited to, but including current, new and ex, goals, expectations, washing, weather and Griffins L&P biscuits.

4. Injuries – what the actual fuck. Everything is trucking along, perfectly fine, and the next thing you know you’re hooked up to a morphine drip with busted discs in your spin. Uuuugh. Screw you.

So look. I thought it would be easy. I thought I was pretty rad because I have up halloumi and got addicted to chia seeds. I could watch tv through the gap in my thighs. I genuinely believed I liked mock-late (I dont. It’s gross).

I wish my life was permanently changed and I survived on a diet of fitness videos (suck a bag of dicks fitness apps). But the truth is this, I’m human. I’m fallible. Im OK as I  am. Most of all, I really like chocolate biscuits.

3 thoughts on “Losing my virtue-inity

  1. Love reading this!
    You’re a talented writer.
    Fuck thigh gap, you’d get cramp watching tv like that! Mmm cheese.
    Please keep sharing and inspiring futile pricks like me ❤

  2. Oh mock-late memories lol!! All that matters is that you’re happy, red vino in hand ‘hell to the yes!’ xx p.s take skinny fries over skinny thighs every time….just don’t say it out loud in front your trainer 😂

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